Busy.All.The.Time
Doing all the things...

I can hear my mother's voice in my head (God rest her soul) "You're doing too much!" In truth, yes. I probably am. However, I don't think it is because I am a glutton for punishment, I think my disposition is just that... I work. When I don't work, I feel unproductive.
This is probably part and parcel to my personality. I can't help it. Growing up as an only child in a military household positioned me to really look at work being an essential element to life. I blame my father for that. He was so positioned to constantly be moving up (he was an officer after all) but nonetheless sometimes I really just wanted to sit. Not do. Just be.
Which admittedly, is really incredibly hard for me. I am currently in this really weird season. I mean REALLY weird. I'm an adjunct professor at two institutions (although one feels certainly full time). I maintain a robust private studio. I'm an active singer with certain weeks of the year allotted to rehearsals and performances. And... I'm in my first year of coursework for a PhD in English. Yes, you read that correctly.... a PhD in English.
This was of course the result of me wanting to get the proverbial monkey off of my back. I had neglected my English degree in undergraduate studies and stuck to singing. I don't regret the career shift per se, but I DID regret not getting my English degree.
This is why when I had a major self-reflection (as many people did) during the pandemic, I felt that something was missing. So, I applied to Millersville University to get my Graduate Writing Certificate to complete the degree. It was such an amazing experience I kept going and earned my masters degree in English. I then applied to Temple University to start my PhD in English.
I usually get the question, "Why the PhD in English?" Well, there are a few reasons... I won't list them all. However, the biggest reason is that it is really hard to disconnect words from the music that I sing. As a vocalist, my music is words. Words are what make texts come alive and the music correspondent to them are what tell the story. Therefore, I want to make those amazing connections that other musicians do not necessarily get to participate in because they are limited to notes on a page. I get the luxury of singing those notes with words.
There are so many novels, short stories, and poetry that have inspired many a song. I want to know more about those connections.
However, this quest for knowledge has beat me down a bit. I have felt the heaviness of imposter syndrome, not being there for my children, the weight of coursework while teaching that feels like full time. It's not been easy. And I'll be completely vulnerable for a sec, I've wanted to walk away several times. SEVERAL.
The unfortunate part is, I'm not quitter. If I'm anything, I'm tenacious - possibly to a fault... We will see how this plays out. I'm hoping my endless curiosity and love of researching the subjects I love will keep me grounded - along with my faith for the future which my mom always reminded me, "The future is bright for those who hope!"
Until Next Time,
Meg
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